


In the Land of Men

by xoxogemma



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:43:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoxogemma/pseuds/xoxogemma





	1. Chapter 1

His mind was completely numb. His body was paralyzed. His eyes showed no sign of life or recognition. He watched as the man he had loved for 5 long years drew his last, shuddering breath. He could hear the beeping of the medical machines and the comforts of his best friends, the doctors, and his family. But, he could feel nothing. He was a shattered man.   
Harry Styles exited the hospital with Spencer’s bag of belongings clutched in his hand. He had never expected to be a widower so early on. When he met and married Spencer, he thought he would have an entire lifetime to love and be loved the strong, dedicated, compassionate man. He never anticipated cancer. Harry had always thought of cancer to be an outrageously stereotypical way to die until he watched the brain tumors eat away at the man he loved until he was a hollow shell of himself.   
Harry wondered down the abandoned street until he reached the apartment that he and his husband had once shared. As he stumbled in, he somehow found his way to the couch despite not remembering how he had gotten there. He stared blankly at the black TV screen, praying that he was having a terrible nightmare and that Spencer would walk out of the kitchen any second and tell him that dinner was ready.   
He had never been a religious man until the day he walked into Spencer’s hospital room and he no longer remembered Harry’s name. At that moment, Harry had prayed to any God that would listen to just heal his husband. He promised a newly devoted life and to give to every homeless and needy person he ever came into contact with if he could just have 5 more minutes with his lucid lover. Harry never got his 5 minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

(Three years later)

Harry awoke to the blinding light of the sun through his bedroom window. As his eyes drifted open, he got to experience his favorite time of the day, the few seconds after waking up where he didn’t remember Spencer or anything for that matter. All he felt was bliss. However, those moments were fleeting and as he sat up in his bed, the empty spot beside him brought his bliss tumbling down. That began his least favorite part of the day, the time when everything comes back. It’s almost like losing Spencer again. Every single morning, that empty pillow reminds Harry that his life, or at least what his life was meant to be, is gone with no intentions of returning.   
Harry wiped the sleep from his eyes and silently thanked God that he had gotten even 2 hours of it the night before. Sleep was his only release, but even sleep was few and far between these days. He stretched his arms up over his head before kissing his hand and placing it on Spencer’s pillow. Just because Spence was gone, didn’t mean Harry had to stop giving him a kiss every morning.   
Harry swung his legs over the side of his bed and was abruptly startled by a loud rap at the door. He sighed, already knowing who was going to be on the other side when he opened it. His best friend, Niall, liked to sporadically check up on him to make sure he was still alive (as Niall liked to put it). Harry shuffled his sock feet to the front door and flung it open, only to be met with the beaming blue eyes of Nialler himself.   
“Morning, Ni.” Harry said, squinting as the morning sun shinned directly in his face.  
“Morning, Harry.” The Irish lad replied, pulling his best friend into a hug. “I brought breakfast and coffee.” He added holding up a brown paper bag to Harry’s face.   
“I’m not all that hungry.” Harry told him, pretending not to notice the hurt look in Niall’s eyes.   
“I don’t care.” Niall said with a newfound confidence that Harry had never seen before. “I love you, mate. And you know I loved Spencer too. I’m totally aware that what you two had was special, but you have to eat. You have to shower. You have to get a haircut and you have to start living your life. It’s been three years. If Spencer could see you now, do you think he would approve of this depressing lifestyle you’ve seemed to acquire?”   
Harry was taken aback. Niall had never been so harsh and blunt before.   
“Well that’s just the point, isn’t it? He isn’t here to see anything because he’s fucking dead. And, he isn’t coming back.” Harry said his voice hardening with every word.   
Niall shook his head disapprovingly, as he pushed past Harry and stepped into the apartment.   
“If you don’t start living again, you’re just as dead to the world as he is.”   
Harry couldn’t believe that Niall was speaking to him like this. He shook his head with his eyes staring blankly at the ground. After what felt like an eternity, he replied:  
“How can I live a life that Spence isn’t a part of? How can I live in a world where his kindness, and generosity and strength don’t exist anymore? Tell me how, and I can live my life again.”   
“He is always with you, Harry. Every single day, in every breath you breathe, he is a part of you. The world can’t survive without his kindness and generosity and strength. Now that he isn’t here to implement it, you have to do it for him. You have to be the Harry and the Spencer in this world now. He deserves that.” Niall replied, resting his hand on Harry’s shoulder.  
Harry began to cry.  
“I miss him so much, Ni.”  
“I know that you do. It’s ok to miss him. But, it’s not ok to keep living like this. You have to move on with your life. I’ve taken the liberty of setting you up on a blind date tonight.”  
Harry was appalled.  
“Niall, I’m completely not ready for that. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that. Why would you do this?” Harry asked, feeling genuinely confused as to why his best friend would do something like this to him in his time of grieving.  
“It’s nothing serious. Liam and I will be there. Louis is a good friend of his. We’re all gonna go grab a bite to eat and maybe catch a movie. It’s mostly just to get you out of the house. But, Louis is absolutely gorgeous, mate. If I didn’t trust him so much, I wouldn’t even let Liam be friends with him. And, he’s a lot of fun. We’ll have a great time. No strings attached. “Niall responded, trying to calm his friend.   
“Niall, I can’t.”  
“Harry, it’s been three fucking years. Grow up. You aren’t marrying the guy. You’re letting him buy you a nice night out. Spencer would want this for you.” Niall responded, frustrated.  
He had expected Harry to be reluctant but this was getting out of hand. Harry was acting like a child.   
“Fine.” Harry replied, annoyed but aware that this was the only answer Niall was going to take.   
Niall could barely contain the smile that spread across his face.   
“Fantastic. I’ll help you pick out something to wear.”  
Harry wanted nothing more than to just be alone with his thoughts until his torturous outing later on.   
“Niall, I can pick out my own clothes, thank you. I’ll see you tonight when you and Li pick me up.” He said, pushing Niall to and out the door.   
“Harry?” Niall called before Harry could shut the door.   
Harry pulled the door back open and waited for Niall to continue.   
“I love you, mate. I know I said some pretty rough stuff in there but I promise I’m only trying to help. I want you to be happy again. And, selfishly, I miss my best friend. I know you’ll never completely heal, but you deserve a little piece of yourself back.” Niall said, with a hesitant smile.  
Harry smiled back, understanding that he wasn’t the only one who lost someone. Niall had lost Spencer and Harry.   
“I love you, too, man. Don’t be late.” He shut the door just as Niall turned to go down the steps.   
Harry sauntered back into his bedroom and sat on Spencer’s side of the bed, as he often did to feel closer to him.   
“I hope I’m making the right choice, Spence.” He mused out loud to his husband’s empty pillow.   
Harry buried his face in his hands and began to pray. He often did this to feel closer to Spencer as well. He knew that if there was a heaven, his love would have ended up there and surely God would relay whatever messages Harry sent. He finished his prayer and stood up to walk to his closet. He honestly hadn’t thought about how to dress for a date in 7 plus years. He pulled out what seemed like 100 shirts before finding his favorite plaid button down. He laid it on the bed and went to inspect just what kind of breakfast his best friend had left him in the brown paper bag.


	3. Chapter 3

8 hours later, Harry was awaiting his friends patiently in his living room, sending up a quick prayer, hoping this night wouldn’t be a complete disaster. He was interrupted by his obnoxiously loud doorbell. He immediately felt panicked. But, he knew he couldn’t let Niall down. He had been such a supportive confidant during these past 3 years. He deserved at least one night of fun with his best friend even if Harry had to fake it.   
Harry opened the front door and was surprised to see Liam instead of Niall.   
“Hey, mate. Niall’s running a bit behind. He asked me to come get you and scoop him up on our way to the restaurant.” Liam said with his signature, genuine smile.   
“Works for me.” Harry said, a little relieved that did not yet have to deal with his supposedly gorgeous date for the night or his overbearing best friend.   
Harry locked the door behind him and followed Liam to the car. Li tried to make small talk on their way to get Niall but Harry found himself staring off into space, attempting to psych himself up for this night.   
“Listen Harry, I know that you’ve had a really rough go of it since Spencer passed. No one could ever blame you for your immense heartache. But, with that said, I really appreciate you doing this for Ni tonight. He’s been so worried about you. I know you’re probably going to have to fake this “night of fun”. But, just know, that it means everything to him and he means everything to me. So, thank you.” Liam said, catching Harry off guard.   
Harry looked over at Liam and smiled, finding comfort in the fact that his best friend had someone that loved him so much.   
“No need to thank me, Li. I hear this guy’s a looker.” Harry said with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.   
Liam seemed to pick up on Harry’s attempt and laughed a little with him.   
“You just wait, my friend.” Liam said.   
Harry and Liam’s conversation was interrupted by a blonde Irish lad jumping in the car. Harry hadn’t even realized they had made it all the way back to Liam and Niall’s place yet.   
“And, how are my two handsome men getting along?” Niall asked from the backseat with a smirk.  
“Really well, actually.” Liam replied, reaching his body around in his seat to give Niall a kiss.   
The rest of the ride was relatively silent but it was a comfortable silence. They pulled up to the restaurant around 20 minutes later and were greeted by what Harry perceived to be the most beautiful man he had ever seen. It was only after Liam pulled the newcomer into a hug that Harry realized this must be the infamous Louis.   
“Harry, this is Louis.” Niall said with a sly look on his face.  
Harry had to hand it to his best friend this time. Louis was absolute perfection. Louis grabbed Harry’s outstretched hand to shake.   
“Hi.” He said.   
His voice almost made Harry melt. It was pure and soft. Almost like what velvet feels like.   
“Hi. Nice to meet you.” Harry said, tripping over his words a bit.   
Louis still hadn’t let go of his hand which was the only thing going through his mind at that moment.   
“Nice to meet you, too.” Louis said, finally letting go of Harry’s hand.  
Harry missed the feel of Louis’ hand in his but he knew that they all had to go inside at some point. He faintly heard Niall chatting away about some obscure thing to Liam in the background but all he could think of was finding out more about this stunning man he had just met.   
“So where are you from?” Harry asked, once they had been seated.   
“Doncaster originally but I’ve lived in London for years.” He answered with a dazzling smile. “You?”  
“Cheshire. But, I’ve also lived in London for quite some time.” Harry replied, taking a swig of his complementary water.   
“Cool. Niall told me about your husband. I know that’s a weird thing to start off a date talking about but I just wanted the opportunity to say that I am deeply sorry for your loss. It’s never easy to get out of bed in the morning after such a loss but somehow, you ended up here, trying to move on and live your life. I really admire that.” Louis said, his bluntness catching Harry off guard.   
Harry could determine from the way Louis spoke that he too had lost someone very close to him. He decided to try his date’s approach to things and bluntly say what he was thinking.   
“Who did you lose?” Harry questioned, hoping it wouldn’t upset Louis.   
Louis just smiled a sad smile.  
“My mum. About a year ago. Cancer.” Louis answered.   
Harry rested his hand on top of Louis’.   
“It’s a bitch, isn’t it? Cancer. It just takes and takes and doesn’t really care about the destruction it leaves in its wake.” Harry said with a haunting expression on his face.   
“No. No it doesn’t.” Louis responded, squeezing Harry’s hand.   
After Niall and Liam heard the topic of conversation between their two friends, they intervened and insisted that they all lighten the mood a bit. They spent the rest of their dinner telling anecdotes about their childhood friendships and discussing personal interests and hobbies. Every time Louis laughed at something Harry said, it gave Harry the greatest sense of accomplishment. Louis’ laughter sounded like a 4 year old’s. It was the most perfect thing Harry had ever heard. He found himself desperate to make the man beside him laugh in any way he knew how. He even resorted to throwing food at Niall when their waiter wasn’t looking. It had been years since Harry had enjoyed himself so much.   
After dinner, Harry surprised Niall by suggesting that they not end the night yet and instead go see a movie. After agreeing upon the first movie Liam suggested, Harry surprised his best friend again by asking Louis if he could ride with him. Louis was thrilled and even opened the car door for his date before getting in himself.   
Once in the car, Harry and Louis resumed their more intimate conversation from the beginning of the night. Even though it was a personal topic for them both, they were so entranced by one another, that it felt as though they had known each other for years.   
“What was your mum like?” Harry asked, catching Louis off guard.   
Louis smiled as he recalled his mother.   
“She was fiercely brave and protective. She wasn’t scared of anything. Even at the very end, when she knew she was going to die, she never showed her fear. She used to sing. She absolutely loved it even though the woman couldn’t carry a tune to save her life. Every Saturday morning, I would wake up to her wailing while she cleaned the house.” Louis chuckled. “I never appreciated those mornings. I wish that I had now.” Louis finished, as sadness took over the usual joy in his eyes. “What was Spencer like?”   
Harry honestly wasn’t sure where to begin.   
“He was…my whole world. I didn’t know I was gay until I met him. At first, when he tried to hit on me, I brushed him off and tried to convince him…and myself…that I was straight as a line. But, somehow, that cheeky little bastard knew something that I didn’t even know. He pestered me until I finally agreed to go out on one date with him out of frustration. That night was the best of my life. I was completely opened up to my true self. I think that was one of the main reasons I fell for him so hard and so fast. He opened me up to knowing who I was and accepting that person.” Harry trailed away with a distant look in his eye as he stared out the window. “He had an infectious smile just like you. He was an amazing singer and had a photographic memory that always proved me wrong in an argument. I miss him every day.” Harry finished with a sigh.   
Louis looked at Harry quickly as to not take his eyes off of the road for too long.   
“He sounds like a truly amazing person.”   
Harry was surprised at Louis’ response.   
“He was. Your mum sounded like a really strong person.” Harry said softly.   
Louis smiled.   
“She would’ve liked you, curly.” Louis said, using the nickname he had made for Harry at dinner.   
Harry snorted and rolled his eyes. Even though he was endeared by his nickname, it was more fun to play along with Louis and act like he hated it.   
“I think I would have liked her too.”   
As Harry and Louis pulled up to the theatre, they were greeted by a more than eager Niall. He was practically bouncing outside of Harry’s window as soon as Louis shut the car off. Harry shook his head and rolled his eyes at Niall, yet he couldn’t help but to smile. His overbearing best friend was the reason he had met the most beautiful man in the world. He couldn’t be mad at him.   
Harry got out of the car and was immediately pulled into a side hug by Niall. He was told to “spill the details” in not so many words, and Harry obliged, knowing that if he didn’t humor his friend, it would hurt his feelings. Niall was disappointed in their conversation topic claiming that it was bad luck to talk about past relationships. But, Harry knew that the conversation he and Louis had just had would bring them closer together if anything. Alas, he allowed himself to be shuffled into the theatre with his best friend scolding him in his ear. When he was finally reunited with his date, Niall pulled away from him with an accomplished look on his face. He was immediately pulled into Liam’s arms and seemed to forget that Harry and Louis even existed and that was just fine by Harry. He wanted to enjoy his time with Louis without Niall peering at them the entire time.   
Harry was suddenly brought out of his trance by the feeling of Louis’ hand intertwining with his own. His heart immediately began to pound as he looked at Louis who seemed to be asking for Harry’s permission with his eyes. Harry winked and squeezed Louis’ hand. The gesture reassured Louis who then latched on tighter to Harry’s hand, pulling him up to the counter to buy their tickets.   
After the movie was over, Liam took everyone by surprise when he announced that Louis needed to take Harry home because he had some blonde haired and blue eyed business to take care of. Harry didn’t mind the least bit, but he also didn’t want to intrude on Louis.   
“It would be my pleasure.” Louis responded before Harry even had the chance to interject. “Who are we to stand in the way of my best mates business?” Louis jokes, throwing his arm around Harry’s shoulders and guiding him to the door.   
Harry called a goodnight to his friends over his shoulder and allowed himself to be whisked away to Louis’ car.   
“You know, I could have called a cab.” He said, once again convinced that he was imposing on Louis.   
“But then I wouldn’t get to drive you home and spend the last few moments of the night with you.” Louis said, rubbing his thumb over Harry’s hand appreciatively.   
Harry noticed that they had reached the car and was completely startled as he was gently pushed against it.   
“And, if you, my curly friend, had called a cab, I would not have been able to do this.” Louis finished, pressing his lips lightly to Harry’s, as though he was treading carefully on Harry’s boundaries.   
Harry felt fireworks explode inside of him. As cliché as it was, Louis’ lips pressed against Harry’s was closest thing to mind-numbing bliss Harry had ever experienced. He pushed himself against Louis harder and pulled his head closer to his own. He slipped his tongue into Louis’ mouth and relished the slight moan that came from the back of Louis’ throat. They kissed against the car for what seemed like an eternity before Louis pulled away.   
“I wish that I could keep doing that, but I need to get you home. The faster I get to bed, the faster I get to call you tomorrow and ask when I can see you again.” Louis said breathlessly with his forehead still connected to Harry’s own.   
“Why don’t you just spend the night?” Harry said, surprising them both with his brazen confidence.   
Louis’ expression clouded with an animal-like lust. But, he knew that the kiss had been far enough. Harry was still grieving and moving too fast could ensure the end of their relationship before it even began. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply before reopening them to stare into Harry’s concerned ones.   
“I want to. I really really do. But, I’m going to use all of the self-control that I have to say no.” Louis answered, hoping he didn’t hurt Harry’s feelings.   
If only Harry knew how hard it was for Louis to say that. However, when he searched Harry’s eyes, he saw nothing but understanding.   
“I really like you, Lou. I haven’t spent this much time without thinking about Spencer since the day we found out he was sick. A part of me feels like these feelings for you are a betrayal of sorts but I know that if Spencer could have before he died, he would have handpicked you. I hope you do call me tomorrow to find out when we can see each other again because you are unlike any other man I’ve ever met.” Harry finished as he reconnected their lips.


	4. Chapter 4

45 minutes later, Harry was waving goodbye from his front porch as he watched his date drive off. He was walking on air as he let himself in. That was short-lived, however, because the immediate smell of cookies took over his senses as he stepped into his apartment. He knew before he even uttered a word who had been cooking in his house and likewise who was waiting for him to get home.   
Zayn stepped out from the kitchen and immediately pulled his brother in law into a hug.   
“It’s been way too long, Harry.” Zayn whispered into Harry’s hair during their uncomfortably long embrace.   
Harry patted Zayn gently on the back to insinuate that the hug was over and smiled a tight smile at Spencer’s older brother. Harry wasn’t trying to be rude. He had nothing against Zayn in all honesty. He just looked almost identical to Spencer. It made Harry feel insane when he looked at Zayn because the two brothers couldn’t have differed more.   
Zayn seemed to notice Harry’s body language and sighed slightly.   
“I missed you, Harry. I know it hurts to see me, but I’m not him.” Zayn replied, taking Harry’s hands.   
Zayn and Harry had a brief affair about a year after Spencer died. Zayn had been coming to check up on Harry regularly and he just looked so much like Spencer, Harry couldn’t stop himself. He needed to feel close to Spencer again and Zayn was the closest he could manage. They would have rough sex to release all the emotion they both were feeling and then spend the rest of the night talking or just lying in each other’s arms. In all reality, Harry made Zayn feel closer to his brother as well.   
The affair ended after a year when Zayn had disclosed his true feelings for Harry during one of their late night chats. Zayn had fallen completely in love with him. Even though it had started out with him trying desperately to feel closer to his deceased brother, somewhere along the way, he had seen what his brother had saw in Harry. This was little comfort to him after he told Harry the truth. Harry told Zayn that he was so sorry but if he began something serious with him, he feared it would only be because of his resemblance and connection to Spencer and not for the person that Zayn truly was.   
Harry’s rejection broke Zayn’s heart. He hadn’t been back to the apartment since and had only called when his mother asked him to check up on Harry. Therefore, Harry’s shock at Zayn showing up was understandable.   
“I know that you do not now, nor will ever have feelings for me, Harry. I just wanted to see you in person. I can go, if you want me to.” Zayn offered, silently hoping Harry would say no.  
He had just come to a point in his life where he knew that if he didn’t try things with Harry one last time, he would never be able to move on.   
Harry hated hurting Zayn and despite his every caution not to, he asked him to stay. They made their way into the living room where the cookies were sitting on the coffee table that was covered in 2 inches of dust. Harry hoped that he wouldn’t regret not asking Zayn to leave.   
Zayn found himself thinking that he would give anything in the world if Harry would be able to make eye contact with him. As if hearing his thoughts, Harry looked over straight into Zayn’s eyes. He was startled at the resemblance to Spencer once again. However, Zayn had aged in the past year. He looked like what Harry imagined Spencer looking like when they would adopt their first child. He felt drawn in once again. He felt compelled to kiss Zayn, hoping that somehow, it would be like kissing Spencer even if Zayn wasn’t his brother.   
Harry leaned over on the couch, pressing his lips to Zayn’s who responded hungrily, eager for the touch of his true love. Harry had missed feeling this close to Spencer and he decided that he would allow himself to just pretend, just for tonight, that Zayn was Spencer and that all was right in the world. He detached himself from Zayn and stood up with his hand outstretched. Zayn took his hand with the expression of a little kid being led into a candy store. Harry pulled Zayn back into his bedroom and spent the rest of the night playing pretend with his rough copy of Spencer.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry once again woke to the bright sun shining directly in his eyes. He relished in his usual moment of bliss before his reality came crashing down. However today was different. He remembered Spencer just like always but he only felt the pang of loss for a second. Immediately following that, he remembered his night with the beautiful Louis Tomlinson. He recalled that Louis was supposed to give him a call today so that they could meet up again. This thought only encouraged Harry to hurry up and get out of bed…that is until he heard the monstrous snoring of what could only be his brother in law. He shut his eyes and sighed in frustration at himself and at Zayn for putting them both back into this situation.   
Just as he went to shake Zayn awake, he heard the shrill scream of his doorbell. He jumped out of bed and grabbed his robe on his hurried way to the front door. He opened it expecting to find Niall. However, he was both surprised and terrified to find Louis at his front door. Upon seeing the look of panic in Harry’s eyes, Louis’ expression went from confident too nervous as he held the bag of breakfast croissants out to Harry.   
“This seemed like a much better idea in my head. I just wanted to see you and maybe talk in person instead of over the phone. And, then I thought breakfast seemed like a nice thing to do…” Louis’ ramblings were cut off by Harry’s lips pressed hastily to his.   
“I love that you brought me breakfast, Lou. And, I’m really excited to see you. I just...” Harry too was cut off, but by something far less pleasant.   
“Who’s at the door?” Zayn’s tired voice asked from right behind Harry.   
Harry closed his eyes in defeat. The only thing he was thinking of was that Zayn was going to cost him his chance with Louis.   
“Louis! This is Zayn, my brother in law. He came to check up on me last night and just decided to stay over. That’s why I couldn’t invite you in. Give me a call later?” Harry finished his explanation, hoping that Zayn would play along and Louis wouldn’t question it.   
“Nice to meet you, mate.” Louis said with a polite smile at Zayn.   
Thankfully, Zayn was still too sleepy to comprehend anything that was going on. He just called a tired “you too” over his shoulder as he walked back to bed.   
“Hot brother in law.” Louis said with a smile. “You take care of your family stuff and I’ll call you later. Here.” Louis said, handing Harry the bag of food.   
Harry was thankful that Louis had bought his story. He pressed a quick kiss to Louis’ lips and said his goodbyes as he closed his front door and slid down the back of it until his bottom was rested on the ground. He heard Zayn snoring again from his bedroom and sighed deeply before getting up off the floor and sitting the croissants down on the counter. He knew that he and Zayn would have to have a discussion sooner rather than later. He ran his fingers through his hair and marched back to his bedroom, prepared to shake Zayn awake. What he found, however, was an awake and fully alert Zayn sitting up in bed and ready to talk. He must have spent more time standing in the kitchen than he thought.   
He sat on the bed next to Zayn and waited for him to speak first. Zayn pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.   
“Who was that?” he asked, obviously recalling his brief encounter with Louis.   
“A friend.” Harry stated.   
“Do you always greet your friends by kissing them?” Zayn asked.   
Harry shut his eyes. Zayn had seen much more than he originally thought.   
“We’ve been out on one date. It’s nothing serious and honestly, Zayn, it’s none of your business. You came over here expecting to use me for sex because you know how your resemblance to Spencer gets to me. Now, you got what you wanted so leave.”   
He knew as soon as the words left his mouth that he was wrong. He knew that Zayn would never take advantage of him like that and that he used Zayn just as much as Zayn used him. The sheer hurt in Zayn’s expression solidified his guilt.   
“I take all of that back. I just hate feeling so vulnerable and you have that effect on me.” Harry said, hoping Zayn would understand how truly sorry he was.   
“What you said doesn’t matter. I know you didn’t mean it. But, I think I just found out the answer to the question that I came here to ask.” Zayn said as a single tear ran down his perfectly sculpted cheekbone.   
“Which was?” Harry probed as gently as possible.   
“I love you. I have loved you for the last year and a half and I may always love you. When we started our affair, I knew that it was about feeling close to Spence. For both of us. But, it became something more to me along the way. I understand that it didn’t happen that way for you. But, I’m here hoping that you’ll finally give me a chance. I’m not Spencer. I know that every part of you wishes that I was. But, I can never offer you Spencer. What I can offer you is a man who cherishes you more than the next breath that he takes, a man who wishes he didn’t have to sleep so that he never had to stop seeing your face, a man who loves you more than anything in the entire universe. I understand if your answer is still no. I understand that I’m not really your type. All I’m asking for is one chance.” Zayn finished as more tears rolled down his cheeks.   
Harry had begun to cry too. He had had feelings for Zayn at one point. He just couldn’t tell if they had really been for Zayn or if they were fabricated because of Zayn’s resemblance to Spencer. Either way, it broke Harry’s heart to see Zayn so sad and broken, especially if he was the reason.   
“One date.” Harry said with a shaky voice. “No promises. But, for one date, I will pretend like Spence had nothing to do with our meeting each other. I will try to give myself a real chance to get to know you. If it works, and we click as people and not as Spencer’s widower and brother, then we can see if this goes anywhere. Please don’t get your hopes up. I can only promise that I’ll try. Harry finished, finally making eye contact with Zayn.   
Harry had never seen Zayn’s face look so happy and hopeful. Zayn pulled Harry into hug that Harry didn’t try to get away from.   
“What about croissant boy?” Zayn asked, pulling away as if just remembering Louis existed.   
What Harry was about to say pained him greatly but he knew it was only right.   
“I promised to give us a real chance. That means no croissant boy.” Harry said, hoping his smile didn’t seem fake.   
Zayn seemed relieved by Harry’s statement.   
“Ok.” He said, kissing Harry’s neck.  
“Hey, if we’re really going to do this, you have to go home, get ready, and pick me up at a respectable hour for a date.” Harry said jokingly as he half-heartedly pushed Zayn away.  
Zayn just smiled at him and kissed him quickly on the cheek.   
“Pick you up at 5?” He said with a wink as he stood to gather his clothes.   
“Works for me.” Harry replied as he admired Zayn’s body from his seated position on the bed.   
“See you later, love.” Zayn called over his shoulder as he finished dressing himself and walked out the door.   
After Zayn had left, Harry laid back on his bed and groaned. He knew that he owed Zayn a chance. He had used him for quite some time. But, he knew what he had to do next and that’s what killed him. He had to call Louis and end things before they even got started.   
Harry picked up the phone to dial Louis’ number and was surprised to see it was already ringing.   
“Hello?” Harry said, knowing before the other person on the line answered that it was going to be Louis.  
“Hi. Harry?” Louis responded.   
Harry could hear the nervousness in his voice which just made what he was about to do even harder.   
“Hi Lou. Listen, before you say anything, I have to tell you something. I really like you. And, if things were different, I would beg you to take me out on another date. You have no idea how badly I want to. But, I owe it to someone to give them a chance. I hope you don’t hate me too much.” Harry finished and waited for the yelling or the insults but he was greeted with neither.   
“I understand, curly.” His voice sounded calmer now, but sad. “Things happen. I admire you for being a good person and for having the balls to give it to me straight. I hope that things work out and that you are very happy in the end.” Louis responded.   
Harry thanked him and they ended their talk. Harry hoped that he wasn’t making the wrong decision.


	6. Chapter 6

(One year later)

“Babe, where’s my favorite shirt?” Zayn called from his bedroom upstairs.   
“It’s where I told you it would be, love. Hanging in the closet.” Harry responded with a laugh and an eye roll at his hopeless boyfriend.   
Zayn came bouncing down the stairs and placed a quick kiss on Harry’s lips before calling a quick love you over his shoulder as he ran out the front door to work.   
Harry sat with his cup of tea at the bar and found himself wondering how he got to this place in his life. A year before, he couldn’t even get out of bed in the morning and now he was playing house with his deceased husband’s brother. Life was strange. He found himself wondering back to Louis, hoping he was doing ok. Niall had chewed him a new one for what he had done but ultimately forgave him. That didn’t stop him from telling Harry all about Louis’ latest conquests of the week though. Harry had long since suspected that Niall was fabricating all of those stories. But, there was still a little jealous part of him that thought it may be true.   
He hopped off of his bar stool and made his way into the bathroom to have a shower. He knew that Zayn’s house needed groceries and it was a lovely day to go to the farmers market. After he showered, he fixed his hair and doused himself with aftershave. After a good look in the mirror, he decided he was pleased with his appearance. He grabbed his sunglasses off the bedside table and set out to do his shopping.   
When he arrived at the farmers market, he was greeted by the friendly vendors who knew him by name. He had become a regular of this farmers market in the past year and it was sincerely one of his favorite things to do. Zayn didn’t understand the joy Harry found in walking around outside and paying for fresh fruits and veggies. But, it didn’t matter. Harry enjoyed his alone time and was quite relieved that Zayn didn’t enjoy tagging along. He wanted a special place all to himself. He quickly found his favorite pomegranate vendor and purchased 4, knowing that he was the only one at Zayn’s house that would eat them. Just as he was placing the last one into his basket, he heard the most beautiful sound from across the farmers market.   
“Oi, Styles, how about buying me one too??” He knew the voice’s owner before he even turned around.   
Louis. Harry whirled around to see Louis walking right up to him. Louis pulled him into a hug and Harry couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so safe in someone’s arms.   
“Louis! It’s so good to see you. How have you been?” Harry said as he reluctantly pulled back from Louis’ embrace.   
“I’ve been amazing. How about yourself?” Louis answered, searching Harry’s body with his eyes for any obvious changes.   
“I’m great.” Harry said, suddenly recalling Zayn.   
He had really meant for that statement to sound upbeat. Apparently, Louis saw through his mock joy.   
“Well that’s a load of shit, obviously.” Louis said bluntly, startling harry. “How about we go to a pub and have a drink and a chat?”   
“Ok.” Harry replied as he allowed himself to be tugged down the street and into the nearest pub.   
When they were sat down inside the dive bar Louis had chosen, Harry was thoroughly interrogated.   
“So what’s been going on?” Louis asked with true concern covering his features.   
“Nothing is going on. I just…I don’t know. I’m supposed to love this guy because we’ve been together for a year. But, I just don’t. And, it breaks my heart because he loves me a lot and he doesn’t deserve for me to feel this way about him but it’s almost as if he pressured me into our relationship. He came to me, begging for a chance and I couldn’t make myself say no. Now, I’m in a mediocre relationship with someone I don’t even love because of what…because I feel sorry for him? Because I feel like I owe my dead husband something?” Harry ranted.  
“So it is your brother in law then.” Louis said as if he had known all along.   
“Yeah.” Harry replied.   
“How did you two become a thing?” Louis questioned.   
“After Spencer died, I missed him so much that it hurt to breathe. Sometimes I would just pray that I could stop breathing all together so I never had to feel anything again. But, then Spencer’s brother, Zayn, started checking up on me every few days. He just looked so much like Spence. And they had similar mannerisms, too. I felt the pain dull when he was around because it felt like I had a hollow Spencer. They weren’t the same on the inside but they looked enough alike on the outside to allow me to trick myself. Zayn missed Spencer too and spending time with me helped him to feel close to him. One night, I was pissed when Zayn got to my house. I had crawled to the toilet and it was not a pretty sight. Zayn showered me and cleaned me up. After I sobered up a bit, I realized that if seeing Zayn made me feel closer to Spence, sleeping with him must be even better. So I did. The very next morning when we woke up, I asked if he would be ok with it. It took some convincing but he finally agreed. From then on, we had a friends with benefits situation. Except, I started asking him to spend the night and we would stay up till the wee hours of the morning talking. I enjoyed talking to Zayn but whenever Zayn actually speaks, that’s when you realize he’s nothing like Spencer. So I would sleep with my dead husband and then converse with his very much alive brother. After a while, the conversations meant more to Zayn then they did to me. He finally told me that he loved me one night. It broke my heart because I knew I had to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and I was going to lose my connection with Spencer. But, it wasn’t fair to Zayn. So I was honest, and he didn’t show back up in my life until the night of our date. He was at my house baking when you dropped me off. We slept together that night. When I woke up the next morning, I couldn’t believe what I had done. And, there you were looking bloody perfect at my front door. I was terrified that if you found out what happened, you’d never speak to me again. But, after you left, Zayn begged me to give him a chance. A real chance. So I did. I ended things with you even though I didn’t want to and I’ve been with him ever sense.   
Louis face had stayed the same through Harry’s story but it now contorted into sadness.   
“That’s very sad for Zayn. But, it doesn’t mean you owe him anything. You were upfront and honest with him 3 years ago from the very start. He’s the one who didn’t take no for an answer the first time. You are entitled to your own happiness.” Louis said, placing a hand firmly on Harry’s shoulder.   
Harry had never been told that before. As a child, he was always taught to put others before himself and be polite at all costs. No one had ever told him it was ok to worry about himself before.   
“Thank you for saying that.” Harry said.  
He knew that just because a gorgeous boy in a pub told him to make himself happy that he wouldn’t go home and dump Zayn. But he wouldn’t feel bad about not loving Zayn either. He wasn’t supposed to do anything. It was his choice.   
The rest of the chat was lighter but just as intimate as ever. Harry felt completely comfortable around Louis. Louis talked about the guy he had dated for a few months. He told Harry the comical story of their breakup and the pair had a great laugh before exchanging numbers again.   
“Let me walk you home, Lou.” Harry said as he stood up from the bar.   
“How chivalrous of you, curly.” Louis mocked as he threw some bills down on the table and latched his arm through Harry’s, dragging him out the front door.


	7. Chapter 7

Louis and Harry continued to chat as they walked back to Louis’ flat. Harry pretended that he wasn’t blushing from the sheer feel of Louis’ arm interwoven through his own. When they reached the flat, Louis asked Harry if he wanted to come in. Harry, who wasn’t raised to be an ingrate, accepted. Louis offered to make a cup of tea once the two were seated comfortably in the living room. Harry declined, not wanting to have to stop talking to Louis for a single second; much less the few minutes it would take Louis to make the tea.   
As they sat talking on the couch, Harry could feel his pull to Louis getting stronger and stronger. He probably wouldn’t have remembered Zayn’s name even if he tried. He felt his entire body leaned towards Louis as if every word the boy uttered was gospel to heathen ears. Suddenly, Louis’ mouth was connected to Harry’s. It took a minute for Harry to process the kiss because he honestly hadn’t noticed that Louis had stopped talking. He had been too mesmerized by Louis’ incredible eyes. Once Harry realized what was happening, he gladly opened his mouth and began to deepen the kiss. They stayed in that little bubble for what seemed like hours but what was only a few minutes. They finally broke away, panting and returning to their respective spots on the couch.   
“That kiss was wrong. So wrong. You have a boyfriend.” Louis said, guilt lacing his every word.   
“I know.” Harry said, a little disappointed if he was being truthful.   
He looked over at Louis who looked back at him.  
“Unless.” He said  
“Unless?” Louis repeated.  
“Fuck it.” Harry replied, straddling Louis and kissing him again.  
Louis put up no protests as he allowed Harry’s tongue to explore his mouth. The little noises he made in the back of his throat drove Harry absolutely crazy. He wanted, no, needed to be closer to Louis. Louis made a disapproving sound as harry pulled away to tug on the hem of Louis ’shirt indicating that he wanted it off of him. Louis obliged and tugged Harry’s off right after before reattaching their lips in heated passion. Harry had never felt such an incredible fire inside of him before. He needed to make Louis his and fast.   
Harry suddenly climbed off Louis and grabbed his hand, dragging him towards what he assumed was Louis’ room. He threw open the door and didn’t even bother to close it as he pushed Louis down onto the bed and hastily undid the constricting belt around Louis’ waist. Before he knew it, his mouth was attached to Louis skin as he sucked and licked his way down his chest. He kissed all the way down to Louis’ trousers and then began to kiss his raging erection through his much too tight pants. Lou through his head back and moaned at the slight contact. That only encouraged Harry more. He quickly undid the button on Louis’ pants and ripped the zipper open. He dragged the pants all the way to the ground and kissed his way back up Louis’ bare legs. He palmed Louis’ dick through his agonizingly thin boxers as he made eye contact and licked his lips. Louis had never seen anything so fucking hot in his life. He pulled Harry back on top of him and started to undo his pants. When he had successfully unbuttoned and unzipped the most stubborn pants he had ever come into contact with, he rolled Harry over and straddled the younger boy this time. He kissed his way down to Harry’s trousers and discarded them just as Harry had done with his own. Except instead of teasing the other boy, Louis just discarded his underwear as well and began to lick Harry’s rock hard cock. Harry shuddered at the feeling of Louis’ warm tongue on his throbbing dick. He almost came on the spot when Louis took Harry’s involuntary shudders as encouragement to wrap his perfectly sculpted lips around the tip of Harry’s cock and slide down until they had reached the very base. Harry moaned as Louis began to suck his cock. It was almost like Louis had no gag reflex at all. He could take every inch of Harry into his throat and it was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.   
They were so distracted by their lust and passion; they didn’t even hear the knock at the door or the unwelcomed intruders who entered after. Niall and Liam entered the flat and tossed the movie they had brought to watch with Louis down onto the couch.   
“Go tell Lou to come on. This movies not gonna watch itself.” Liam said pointing Niall in the direction of Louis’ room.   
Niall listened to his boyfriend and made his way down the hall. Yet, what he saw when he reached Louis’ room was the biggest surprise of his life.   
“Hey Lou, Li said to come and watch…” Niall trailed away, stunned at the sight before him. Harry was laid out on the bed with Louis going down on him like it was his last day on earth.  
Both boys froze at the sound of Niall’s voice.   
“Fuck.” Harry audibly whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

10 minutes later, the four friends were fully dressed and seated awkwardly in the living room. No one was making eye contact and Harry found himself wishing for the millionth time that he could just evaporate into thin air.   
“So…who’s up for this movie?” Liam said, attempting to break the awkward silence.   
It worked, but not in the way he was hoping for. Niall finally broke away from staring off into space and looked directly at Harry with a look that no one there could quite put their finger on.   
“So have you two just been fucking around behind our backs the whole time then? I mean because you guys sure looked pretty familiar in there and I really just don’t recall you ever divulging this little affair to me, Harry.” Niall said, sarcasm laced in every syllable.   
Harry had never seen Niall so venomous before.   
“No. Of course not, mate. We just…” Harry was interrupted by a now fuming Niall.   
“You just what?! Because he wasn’t good enough for you a year ago when I tried to get you both together. And, now, I basically haven’t seen you in the last year because you’re playing some sick and twisted house with your dead husband’s brother and suddenly, the guy who I thought you would be very happy with is good enough for you. At least good enough to let suck your dick. So tell me what I’m missing here, Haz. Because it seems pretty clear to me what’s going on here and I really don’t appreciate being lied to.”   
Liam placed his hands over Niall’s in a comforting way.   
“Babe, take it easy. I’m sure they have a reasonable explanation.” Liam said in his attempt to soothe Niall.   
Luckily it was working.   
“I know. I’m just in a bit of shock and I’m kinda disappointed in you, Harry. Even if it hasn’t been going on and you haven’t been lying to me. Even if you have a perfectly valid reason for all but ignoring me for the last year. It still isn’t like you to cheat. I don’t know who you are anymore. I am sorry for the yelling, Louis. I think Liam and I will be going now. I’ll see you later, yeah?” Niall asked as he yanked a protesting Liam out the front door.   
The door slammed behind them and Harry and Louis were once again left in an awkward silence.   
“I’m really sorry about that.” Harry said, taking responsibility for Niall’s outburst.   
“Don’t be. It’s not like he’s only your friend. Niall and I are close now. And, I know a lot of that was just pent up from missing you for so long. You need to have a talk with him. Clear the air about Zayn and give him the explanation he’s clearly begging for.”  
“You heard him. He hates me, Lou. My best friend hates me. I have to close my eyes the entire time to stomach making love with my boyfriend. And, the greatest day of my life in a year has been ruined by my own stupidity.”  
“There’s an easy solution to all of it.” Louis said as he kissed Harry’s forehead. “Tell Zayn how you really feel. Talk to Niall. Confide in him. He’s your best friend. And after all of your affairs are in order, I’ll be here, ready to take you on the second date I promised you a long time ago.”   
Louis stood up and called something about going to have a shower over his shoulder. Harry called a mumbled goodbye back and went to start getting his affairs into order. He was tired of letting life control him. It was time to take the reins.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry found it way quite easily back to Zayn’s from Louis’ place. They only lived about a block a part. When he walked in the front door, he saw Zayn sitting in the living room staring at a blank TV screen. He had never seen Zayn without a distraction before. Zayn didn’t like to be alone with his thoughts. That’s how Harry knew before Zayn even uttered the first word that something was wrong.   
“Where were you?” Zayn asked as Harry sat his tuff and himself down beside him on the couch.   
“Out at the farmers market.” Harry replied, completely aware of how lame that excuse sounded.   
“I’ve never heard of a farmers market going until…” He paused to check his watch. “8 PM.”  
“So I had a drink with a friend as well. Is that illegal?” Harry asked, suddenly feeling very defensive.   
“No. It’s definitely not illegal. It’s just immoral to cheat on your boyfriend.” Zayn said, not making eye contact with Harry.  
“Who said I cheated?” Harry questioned angrily.   
“It makes sense, Haz. I know you don’t love me. You’ve never even told me so. You aren’t happy here. You don’t think I see the way you close your eyes just to get through sex with me? I know that I’m not what you want so why do you even care if I think you’re cheating on me? Just makes you having to dump me easier, right?” Zayn finished as tears began to run down his face.   
“I’m…I’m so sorry, Z. I really am. I do care about you. I just don’t care about you in the way you need me to. I was only trying to give us a shot like you asked. I just lost control.” Harry explained.   
“That happens to you a lot, doesn’t it? You lost control on the night of your date with Louis and fucked me. Then you lost control when I begged you to give me a chance. Now, you’ve gone and lost control of your own body and “accidently cheated on me”. Just give it to me straight for once, Harry. I deserve that much after a year of making a fool out of myself thinking you loved me.”  
“Not everything is my fucking fault, Zayn. I gave it to you straight 2 years ago. I don’t love you like a boyfriend. Just because I loved and married your brother doesn’t mean I automatically fall in love with the lesser copy of him in you. I’m sorry if that’s what you expected. I never lied to you. I only went on that one date with you because you begged me to. Then it was a series of guilt trips before I finally convinced myself that maybe I liked you enough to be at least content with you. I’m sorry that you love me and that I can’t love you back. But, get over yourself. I did all this pretending for you, you ungrateful…” Harry and Zayn were now standing and facing each other as Harry ranted.   
Zayn slapped him before he could finish that sentence. Harry was absolutely shocked.  
“What the f…”  
“GO FUCK YOURSELF, HARRY!” Zayn screamed as he stormed back into his room, threw Harry’s luggage out the bedroom door and slammed it shut.


	10. Chapter 10

Harry suspected that wasn’t what Louis had meant when he suggested talking to Zayn. He rubbed his face and sighed as he walked to pick up his luggage off the ground. It was time to handle Niall. He hoped it would be less violent. Though he suspected from Niall’s earlier attitude towards him that he may need protective gear for that chat as well.   
Harry knocked hesitantly on Liam and Niall’s door. Liam answered with a pity smile on his face.   
“Niall is in the back room. Good luck.” He said patting Harry on the shoulder as we went back to the kitchen to resume cooking dinner.   
Harry slowly walked down the hall and pushed the cracked door to be partially opened.   
“Permission to enter?” Harry asked, hoping his joke would lighten the tension.   
“Come on in.” Niall said, unfortunately not amused by Harry’s comedy.   
Harry walked in the room and went to sit beside his best friend. Niall looked over at him.  
“I know you’re angry with me, Ni. I’m so sorry about everything.” Harry started.   
“It’s not anger, Haz. I just don’t know who you are any more. I don’t know what you value or if you even value our friendship anymore. And, if I’m being honest, I was jealous. Not of you and Louis doing…ya know…” he shuddered at the memory. “I just couldn’t understand why you had no time for me, your best friend, but had all the time in the world to fool around with a guy you don’t even know.”  
“I didn’t spend time with you in the past year because…because I was so unhappy and I knew you would see right through me. I knew that you would make me leave Zayn and I was scared. Scared to be alone again. Zayn was offering me something in the immediate that Louis couldn’t offer me. Complete companionship from someone who was already in love with me. I also felt terrible for not giving him a real chance. He cried.” Harry chuckled and was joined by Niall. “I’m sorry, Ni. I really am. I love you more than any person on this planet and I promise I’ll make it up to you.   
Niall seemed to ponder this for a moment.   
“Ok. I accept. I’m also sorry for the pretty uncalled for shouting earlier.” Niall said with a nervous laugh. “Now spill. What happened today??”   
Harry spent the rest of the night telling Niall about his wild day, conveniently leaving out that Zayn had hit him. He felt bad about kicking Liam out of his bed for the night but it was worth it to have such quality time with his best friend again.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning he woke up to the timid snores of his best friend and the intoxicating smell of chocolate chip pancakes from what he assumed was his best friend’s boyfriend’s cooking. He walked out into the hallway and followed the incredible smell into the kitchen. The sight he was greeted with was far more pleasing than what he was expecting. Louis and Liam were standing in the kitchen covers in pancake batter attempting to cook breakfast. When Louis noticed Harry staring at them, he smiled mischievously. Harry knew it was all over from there. He tried to run back down the hallway but was grabbed from behind by a very dirty Louis. Louis rubbed his face and hands all over Harry’s chest, spreading the pancake batter. Harry shook his head and gave in to the handsome man with his arms wrapped around him. Louis faked an irritated sigh and pulled back.  
“It’s really no fun if you don’t resist.” Louis said with a wink.   
“Well that’s quite rapey.” A tired Niall said from beside Harry before being attacked by his own dirty boyfriend.   
Harry could hear his cackles but found it hard to tear his eyes away from Louis’ smiling face. That is, until the smoke detector went off. Liam pulled away from Niall and ran back over to the stove to get rid of all the smoke. The other three boys cackled.   
“Maybe we should just go out for breakfast?” Liam said as he walked around the corner, spatula in hand.   
The group agreed on a little diner down the street and took showers. Separately, according to Niall’s request for Harry and Louis not to “gross up his house” with their sex. Harry and Louis borrowed their friend’s clothes and set out to a hopefully not scorched breakfast.   
After they finished eating, Harry asked Louis if he could come back to his place. Louis agreed without an argument. When they were safely back at Louis’ flat, Harry made sure to finish what they had started the day before.


	12. Chapter 12

(6 months later) 

Harry was back at his favorite farmers market with his boyfriend by his side. He and Louis had begun seeing each other exclusively about 2 weeks after the incident with Niall. He hadn’t thought he could possibly ever love anyone as much as he had loved Spencer. But, he knew that Spencer had sent Louis to him from heaven. He hadn’t heard from Zayn since that day but he heard from his mother in law that he was traveling and was very happy. He honestly wished Zayn all the best.   
“Harry?” He heard Zayn’s voice as clear as day.  
He whirled around to see Zayn coming towards him.   
“Hi.”   
“Hi.” He replied as Zayn pulled him into a quick hug.   
“How have you been? Hi, Louis, right?” Zayn said with genuine friendliness.  
Louis wasn’t one to hold a grudge. He shook Zayn’s hand and confirmed that Louis was his name. After a few polite exchanges, Zayn requested a private word with Harry. Harry reluctantly agreed and walked over to a corner of the market.   
“I just wanted to apologize for how things ended between us. And, I’m sorry for blaming you for everything that was wrong with us. Thank you for giving me a chance. I’ve a lot of time to think and I’ve even moved on.” He said, looking towards a quite lovely young gentleman buying apples in the distance.  
Harry followed his eyes and felt relieved that Zayn had found someone.   
“I’ve gotten help for my anger issues. I just need to ask you something. Do you love him?”   
Harry was shocked but answered before he even intended to.   
“I love him so much.”   
“Good. I just want you to be happy.” Zayn said with a sweet smile.   
“I’m sorry for my part in our bad ending too. You weren’t completely to blame either.” Harry replied.   
Zayn hugged him softly and kissed his forehead just as he used to when he pulled away.   
“I wish you all the best.” He whispered before returning to his boyfriend.   
Harry stood planted until Louis came over to him.   
“Everything ok, love?” He asked.  
“It’s great, Lou.”   
“Good. Because, if it wasn’t, it would put a real damper on this next part of our farmer’s market trip.”  
Harry looked at Louis, totally unsure of what he was referring to. Suddenly, Niall and Liam appeared out of nowhere. The vendors stopped what they were doing and held up all of their transactions. Harry looked around, alarmed. When he turned back to Louis, he found him on one knee, just as the vendors held up giant spray painted wooden crates behind him. The crates read out: Harry Styles, Will you marry me? Harry felt his tears flowing before he even felt the urge to cry. He looked down at Louis prepared to answer but he was stopped.   
“Harry, I knew that I was going to love you from the moment I met you. Everything about you was perfect. Even your grief.” Harry looked around as everyone stared. “It just showed me how deeply and passionately you love. I couldn’t wait to get to know you. Even though it too longer than I thought it would, I got to fall in love with the amazing man that you are. I spend every second of every day thinking up new ways to show you I love you. I thought that you would like this, being surrounded by your friends in your favorite place. I want to keep coming up with new ways to love you until the day I die. So, will you marry me?” Louis expression grew worried as he finished his speech and saw Harry’s tears.   
He suddenly didn’t feel so confident in his proposal anymore. Harry saw his expression and got down to his knees as well. He kissed Louis as deeply as he could and as he pulled away, he whispered yes against Louis’ lips. Louis smiled and screamed “He said yes” to the crowd who erupted in cheers.   
Harry knew that a part of him would always miss Spencer. But, Louis actually liked to hear about him. And, it made Harry feel better to share Spencer’s amazingness with Louis. It was just another connection he would have to his new fiancé. Harry knew that somewhere up in heaven, Spence was smiling down on him and still listening to his messages every morning.


End file.
